What I Heard at Church Tonight

Oct 1st 2009 - Written by: John Webb

Can we agree that men can’t worship at church until we get the football talk off our chests? Should we feel guilty, or more importantly, are we guilty, in the mind of God and harping wives? This spot on our souls notwithstanding, I will faithfully relate to you the upshot of tonight’s Clemson football talk at a Presbyterian church in Greenville, SC. And don’t worry, David Griffith, for the purposes of this blog you will be known as “Jason”; I would never betray your trust and expose your identity.

First of all, “Jason” is dripping with opinions lately, mostly because he has been confined to his sofa after an appendectomy, and the only heavy lifting he can do is between his ears. He points out that we have often lost a close game to a ranked team, and then followed that up with a loss to a lesser team. I point out that we beat Boston College after losing to Georgia Tech. Not letting the facts get in the way of a good argument, he maintains that this weekend’s Maryland game is a huge step. I agree with “Jason” that we need to take care of business.

“Jason” and I also are in agreement that there is no reason that Clemson should not win the Atlantic Division, even while acknowledging that the offense scores in the red zone religiously, which means only on Sundays. There is no credible argument to support why Clemson should not beat Maryland, Wake Forest, and Boston College (done), while being favored to beat Florida State at home and NC State on the road. As a matter of fact, I was talking to mon frère before the TCU game, and I predicted a final record of 9-3 for los Tigres (how do you like three languages in one sentence?) As usual, he succumbed to my steel trap reasoning, which follows here: Clemson (after starting 2-1) should beat Maryland, Wake Forest, Coastal Carolina, Virginia, and NC State, and should split the games with TCU, Florida State, Miami, and South Carolina. I’ll admit that, after the TCU game, this prediction seems a little short of factual certainty, but what the heck, I’m sticking with it.

Parenthetically, have I mentioned how badly I want the Gamecocks to lose a game or two? Any more crowing and the Gamecocks will have to change their mascot to…umm…the Crows. Many of my friends, who often agree with me and therefore are right, feel the same way.

The other hot topic is the Willy Korn issue. Recent rumors have him transferring to upteen jillion different schools. I even heard that he is going to have a second go of it at Byrnes to relive the glory days. Friends at church agree that winning solves every problem, and losing only creates them. Hey, I may have just hit on the difference between Danny Ford and Tommy Bowden. Many chubby, middle-aged Clemson fans at church agree that Dabo just needs to win. It would be nice if Korn gets some reps, but if Clemson wins, the volume of the moaning about Korn gets turned down to a whisper.

“Jason”, as well as many others, agree that the Middle Tennessee State game was really Dabo’s first game. Just as Hillary Clinton has hit the reset button on the United States’ relationship with every nation in the world, Clemson fans are choosing to hit the reset button with Dabo, retroactive to August 2009. In fact, I declare a do-over with 2008 Dabo, my Clemson Spanish classes (ouch), and the first five years of my marriage (double ouch). In Nick Saban’s first year at Alabama he lost to Louisiana-Monroe, so let’s give Dabo a little breathing room. In fact, I endorse waiting until the third loss before putting “for sale” signs in Dabo’s yard. Aren’t we a magnanimous lot?

[ Back ]