Inexplicable

Sept 4th 2008 - Written by: John Webb

 

inexplicable (adj) – difficult or impossible to explain or account for.

Truth be told, I had a great time on Saturday. I tailgated with fun people, enjoyed old friends, and made some new ones. We “did the town” late into the Atlanta night after the game before I rolled back into South Carolina Sunday morning. I was a wee bit jealous of Jacoby Ford, though. Apparently the game is a little fuzzy for him after receiving a concussion; however, Roll Tide is burnished in my mind with stunning clarity, as hard as I’ve tried to wipe it away.

I think that it would be quite boring to talk at length about the reasons that Clemson lost to Alabama. In fact, it would be like shooting fish in a barrel. Here are ten (plus one bonus) possible reasons:

1. Davis/Spiller did not get enough touches.
2. Clemson had key injuries that took good players out of the game (Humphries, Ford, and Sapp).
3. Alabama’s defensive tackles controlled the line of scrimmage.
4. Alabama negated Clemson’s pass rush with a dink and dunk pass scheme.
5. Clemson was willing to give up dink and dunk passes, and focused too much on taking away the big play.
6. I outweigh each one of Clemson’s linebackers, thereby making it very hard for Clemson to stop the run.
7. Clemson, for some unknown reason, was emotionally flat, even in pre-game warm-ups.
8. Clemson had untimely turnovers (Jamie Harper and Cullen Harper), penalties (James Davis run), and busted coverages (two Alabama touchdown passes).
9. Clemson tackled poorly (example: Jeremy Campbell whiffed on a kill shot on John Parker Wilson, as described in embarrassing detail on College Football Live).
10. Curious personnel decisions.

Bonus: God is punishing Clemson coaches, players, or fans for some unconfessed sin.

What I would like for you to consider is this:

Axiom #1 of Tommy Bowden Football: Inexplicable losses are coupled with inexplicable wins.

I have no rational explanation why this is true, but it is undeniable and must be accepted. The evidence is well-documented and well-known. In 2003 Clemson opened the season with a loss to Georgia 0-30, only to beat our next Division 1-A foe, Georgia Tech, 39-3. In 2003 Clemson was humiliated by Wake Forest 17-45, only to follow that up by handily beating #3 FSU 26-10 the next week. In 2004 Clemson beat Miami in the Orange Bowl 24-17, only to lose the next game to Duke 13-16. There are several other examples on Bowden’s resume, but these are the most glaring exemplars. What goes without mentioning is the slow start/fast finish and fast start/slow finish that is typical of a Bowden team.

The fact is that Tommy Bowden is Clemson’s Head Football Coach, and barring the earth swallowing him whole, Terry Don Phillips will not evaluate Bowden’s job status until after the season, regardless of how angry Clemson fans feel right now. So let’s look at what the next few months may hold, based on Axiom #1.

The bad news is that we may still have at least one unlikely loss coming our way. This could be a loss to an underdog team like Maryland, or it could be decimation by a good team like Wake Forest. Either way, there’s a fair chance we’re not done with the misery this year. Keep the box of Kleenex handy by your high def television and in your tailgate vehicle.

On the other hand, Clemson plays, possibly, five quality opponents the rest of the season: Wake Forest, Florida State, South Carolina, Coastal Division Champ, and Bowl Opponent. Odds are that the boys in orange will rise from their death bed, yank out their IV, and slap one or two of those teams into February, just when we thought they couldn’t. That’s the dreadful allure of Bowden ball; you sense the aroma of Clemson 63 USC 17 just as the priest was administering last rites and you smelled the stench of death.

Some may question why Axiom #1 of Tommy Bowden Football is true. Let me put it this way: I also have no rationale for the existence of The Chicken Curse, but I believe in it, and I have loads of empirical evidence, though reason would tell you that the Gamecocks could break out of their funk one of these centuries. I wrote an article recently about the Tigers getting respect, and how the Alabama game was a perfect opportunity, much like West Virginia’s win over Georgia in the Sugar Bowl. Well, it didn’t quite happen, did it? And for the moment, I am resigned to the fact that I will hang on for the highs and lows of Bowden ball this season. Try to enjoy the ride.

For those who think fans like me are idiots (you may have a strong case), here is an alternative interpretation you may like. Let’s call it the Marriage Counselor’s view of the Tommy Bowden and Clemson fan relationship. We have an unhealthy union; psychologists call it a conflict habituated relationship. Bowden relates to Clemson fans by creating self-induced crises (but by definition, aren’t all created crises self-induced?), so that he may solve the problem, be the hero, and earn our love and affection. You could even say that Clemson fans have played the classic co-dependent role of rescuer, based on the fact that we ponied up another 38% increase in IPTAY donations this year, without our seats getting 38% closer to the field. We need therapy. Can this marriage be saved? I feel so confused right now. When will the neighbors (ESPN, Sports Illustrated) stop snickering? I just want things to go back to how they were a few marriages ago, back in the 80’s.

Does any explanation of the current state of Clemson football make sense? I guess not:

inexplicable (adj) – difficult or impossible to explain or account for.

If you need to holler at John Webb, he will be in lot 22 on Saturday, or you can email him at sectionHrowJ@gmail.com.  

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