8 Pre-Alabama Irrefutable Thoughts
Aug 27th 2008 - Written by: John Webb
I. News came out this week that once again Clemson was going to play upwards of ten true freshmen this year. I know that coaches swear to kids during the recruiting process that they will not redshirt, but don’t you reach a point of diminishing marginal returns as a football program? Can you honestly say that each of these freshmen phenoms is an impact player – a situation where we have outrecruited the talent that’s already on the field? It is likely the case that we don’t have a choice because of midnight promises uttered on recruits living room sofas. Roscoe Crosby getting the first touch of the season comes to mind. Does it not stand to reason that if we outrecruit ourselves (what an odd concept!) every year that eventually Clemson will be the New England Patriots? Just a thought.
II. On Saturday, “Jesse the Body” and I will jettison the rest of the Mini-Van Posse (goodbye wives and kids) and make a beeline for the Georgia Dome. Knowing that we are Clemson, our fans will mimic our devotion in great numbers, and commit much more time and money to the trip than is warranted by any description of reason. Have you ever wondered why we do this and fans of a school like Boston College don’t? It really is a fascinating question when you think about it. I’ve heard several theories over the years: proximity to games, living in a small town/rural state where there is little else to do, following a winning team, and “there’s something in these hills.” For now I will let the question linger unanswered. You think about, I’ll research it, and maybe we can hash it out in a future column.
III. About the road trips, have car flags become a line-item in your budget? They have in mine. They noticeably start to rip up after an hour of highway driving, yet still I have bought them like an addict looking for a fix. I may resolve to dedicate myself to car magnets; it’s a much better investment. Another problem is that you may be like a friend of mine who flies 8 flags on his car simultaneously. Imagine the extra gas he burns on long trips. It’s the equivalent of dragging his Fire ‘n Ice grill behind his bumper…no hidden hitch required.
IV. I think that Jamie Harper is the real deal, better than the hype. I think that right now he is beyond where we saw James Davis in the NC State game his freshman year, a game where Davis was set to run clear across the state of North Carolina before he broke his arm. Because he’s third string, his numbers will suffer this year, but I think that Harper has a very, very productive 2009.
V. The Olympics have just wrapped up. I’m telling you, because you might have missed it with the headlines consumed by the closures of a couple of interstates over the Labor Day weekend in Atlanta. There have been reports on all the media outlets and several emails from Clemson, all of which have been forwarded to me by every person I have ever known who happens to have my email address. Attention world: I have gotten the message. In fact, I have a theory. I hypothesize that reports of lane closures are so widespread that the few remaining lanes left open will be deserted. So I’m making a run for it – right down I-85 all the way to the Dome. Wish me luck.
VI. There was a study done a few years back that showed that television golf analysts have no idea what they’re talking about when they break down a golf swing. If they don’t know beforehand if a player hooked or sliced a shot, then they did no better than flipping a coin in forecasting where the ball was heading. I wholeheartedly believe that football fans are like those television golf analysts when it comes to football recruit videos. These grainy videos make a camcorder at your family reunion look like refined cinema. The lighting at high school football games is usually terrible, and on top of that you look at these videos on a 3”x 3” screen downloaded on your computer. Based on this, many football fans will swear that they can identify brilliance, but I find it a challenge simply to identify the 22 players on the field. If I’m told that I’m looking at a 5 star recruit, then I tend to be extremely impressed (especially if he’s planning to take an official visit to Clemson) and I will even email others with my dazzling insight.
VII. My friend “T-Bone” got his Alabama tickets in the mail recently, and he pointed out to me how they looked counterfeit. That’s when I got nauseous, as would any Clemson fan like me who got scammed with counterfeit tickets at the Georgia Tech game last year (there were a lot of us.) Those fakes were undetectable, but these Alabama tickets came through Clemson, so I assured him that he is in the clear. If you ever get busted in a stadium with bogus tickets, I suggest you do what I did. Get your 2nd grader to look very sad, apologize profusely, and imply that the university’s reputation is somehow tainted by the penumbra of the scalper’s scam. We were happily relocated to good seats where we had a fine view of our Tigers dropping passes and missing field goals like there was no tomorrow. I’m counting on the Georgia Dome being an altogether more cheerful experience.
VIII. I don’t know whether this is degrading or a noble tribute, but the registered name of T-Bone’s English springer spaniel is William Refrigerator Perry. Let’s compare two-legged Perry and four-legged Perry. Four-legged Perry has had no dental work, while two-legged Perry has a completely artificial set of pearly whites. Both Perry’s eat pretty much whatever they want, and it’s usually meat, though four-legged Perry once ate T-Bone’s hat. Four-legged Perry endorses no products; two-legged Perry endorses Big Ass Fans. (Four-legged Perry would probably like sitting under a Big Ass Fan.) Four-legged Perry is an animal. Two-legged Perry was essentially an animal, at least when he wore #66. Four-legged Perry urinates in the back yard. Unconfirmed: two-legged Perry has urinated in the back yard (Come on, guys. Let’s be honest! Who hasn’t?)
If you would like to comment please email John Webb at sectionHrowJ@gmail.com.
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