We Will Beat FSU Like a Rented Mule

Nov 5th 2009 - Written by: John Webb

We Will Beat FSU Like a Rented Mule: Because we are physically superior, intellectually superior, and morally superior. And Clemson’s coach has a cool name. Scoreboard.

Da’quan Bowers: I happened to have a good view of Bowers as he hobbled off the field during Clemson's first defensive series against Coastal Carolina. As he drew near to the sideline he shoved away the diminutive fellows supporting him and attempted to stride off the field, a proud warrior with a wistful, far-away look in his cold eyes. Then he nearly collapsed. And he was lugged to the trainer's table on the sideline. So there's little surprise that Bowers' knee injury is worse than we were led to believe. Playing time against FSU is not in the cards.

More Da’quan Bowers: The State's Paul Strelow says that in the FSU game Clemson will be without "perhaps Clemson's most feared defender". I do not concur, Scribe Strelow; Bowers need not be as feared as you “perhaps” profess -- don’t you love it when a writer qualifies a statement that he would have to otherwise defend? That would perhaps be McDaniel or Sapp who is the most feared. Bowers perhaps shouldn't be feared more than anyone else on Clemson's defense, perhaps. Let's look at the numbers.

He perhaps might not be as good as his backup. Through the first seven games Bowers has had 36 tackles, 8 tackles for loss, and 3 sacks on 306 snaps. Mallaciah Goodman has had 14 tackles, 4 tackles for loss, and 2 sacks on 146 snaps. On a per play basis Bowers edges Goodman in tackles, but lags behind in tackles for loss and sacks. That’s perhaps not surprising considering that Goodman and Jevon Kearse are identical twins from shoulder to fingertip. On the other hand, it’s perhaps not as if Bowers is without physical skills, perhaps. Perhaps is a great word if you enjoy almost saying something; a man of gravitas need only suggest rather than shout.

Miami Road Trip Report Stuff I Forgot: In the last blog I omitted the best thing about the road trip to Miami: we were frisked as we entered Landshark Stadium. A very personable security guard patted us down, but David G., Jesse Z., and I agreed that if we had to do it over again, we would try to go through the line designated for females. It's no fun to have a guy grope you, no matter how professional he is.

There was another personable fellow at the gate wearing full body armor and carrying an M-16. Clemson fans were so enamored of this security guard that he was being crowded to have pictures taken with him. He was Miami's interpretation of Santa at the mall, if the mall were in Fallujah. Eventually the Clemson fans were shooed away, so that he could better focus on eyeing interlopers that needed a round or two from his gun after already having a round or two at their tailgates.

I will always remember my first frisking. I strutted around like a tough guy for days after they presumed me to be someone dangerous.

Home Field Advantage: I have always maintained that home field advantage accounts for more variance in scoring in the Clemson/Florida State series than any other factor. Let's drill down into the numbers with special scrutiny after FSU joined our beloved ACC conference:

At Death Valley

1992 Clemson 20 FSU 24

1995 Clemson 26 FSU 45

1997 Clemson 28 FSU 35

1999 Clemson 14 FSU 17

2001 Clemson 27 FSU 41

2003 Clemson 26 FSU 10

2005 Clemson 35 FSU 14

2007 Clemson 24 FSU 18

At Doak Campbell

1993 Clemson 0 FSU 57

1994 Clemson 0 FSU 17

1996 Clemson 3 FSU 34

1998 Clemson 0 FSU 45

2000 Clemson 7 FSU 54

2002 Clemson 31 FSU 48

2004 Clemson 22 FSU 41

2006 Clemson 27 FSU 20

2008 Clemson 27 FSU 41

To use the language of Vegas, that’s Clemson +.5 in Death Valley and Clemson +26.7 at Doak Campbell. The Tigers enjoy a home field advantage of nearly four touchdowns when in the Valley. Considering that the odds makers usually consider a home field advantage worth a field goal…well…wow. So if we are 8.5 point favorites against Florida State this weekend, does that mean that we are two and a half touchdowns superior to FSU, all things being equal and history repeating itself? My brain hurts.

Insomnia: If you can’t sleep tonight, try reciting poetry. A suggestion:

It’s great to hate Florida State.
It’s great to hate Florida State.
It’s great to hate Florida State.
It’s great to hate Florida State.
It’s great to hate Florida State…

Please send fawning emails to sectionHrowJ@gmail.com.

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