Nove 20th 2008 - Written by: John Webb

Spiller is NFL Fabulous, And I Don’t Care

This has been an incredible year in the NFL. The Titans. The Giants. The Jets. See – I just named three NFL teams off of the tip of my tongue.

Actually, I have a confession to make: I have only watched one NFL game in the past three years, which was this year’s Super Bowl (the Roman numerals for which escape me), and I did it only because we were invited to a Super Bowl party. Confession: I left in the third quarter because my kids were getting cranky. Confession: my friend and I talked about Clemson football during most of the game. Confession: I am unrepentant.

This week, however, I partook of the Wednesday night college game, the Thursday night college game (but not Steelers vs. Bengals), and I will have my DVR hummin’ this Saturday. Sorry, kids, you are going to have to record Blues Clues in the off-season.

The reason is that the NFL is largely unwatchable. The theory is that the best players make for the best games. Untrue. Watching a gaggle of freakish speed demons who negate each other’s talents is like parking a chaise lounge by I-85 at 5:30 and watching gridlock. Right now the top five teams in scoring offense are separated by a little over two points, which means that NFL coaches will work 110 hour weeks to devise a niggling nothing of an advantage in their scheme, whereby they can sucker a linebacker into covering a receiver on that one special play in the game. Aside from that: gridlock. Is 17-13 the default score of every NFL game?

Consider also that the teams could trade uniforms at half-time, and I would never know the difference. A Super Bowl team, just two years ago, treated the cover 2 defense as if they had invented it. Oh, really? And I thought I had seen it on Saturday for years. Miami occasionally has a direct snap to the running back this year; the Dolphins have crossed the Rubicon. The reality is that there is very little variation within NFL offenses and defenses, particularly when compared to the college game.

In college you have the Rich Rodriguez read option, the Urban Meyer read option, Texas Tech spread, Georgia Tech option, Boston College pro-set, Big 10 knife fight in a phone booth, Clemson multiple (which usually involves us shifting until we confuse ourselves and either call timeout or only have 6 guys on the line), and many others. Dear NFL, why does it ruin your day when a quarterback receives the ball in the shotgun formation?

I am not going to mention the game day experience in the college game, the loyalty to the school, and the affordability of being a fan, in spite of Seat Equity Plans, the facilities arms race, and $4 million coaching salaries… Well, I guess I did just mention those things; I meant I would not expound on those things… Well, just to expound on one of those things, if you think that Clemson fans are being squeezed for dollars, count your blessings that you aren’t a Dallas Cowboys or New York Jets fan.

[Enter stage right, C.J. Spiller]

It’s also more interesting to see a player’s talent on display when it’s possible for it to be showcased. Do we get to enjoy Spiller’s juke and jive antics in the 2006 Georgia Tech game if there is a defensive player there who can match his moves? Do we get to see all of those breakaway touchdowns throughout his career, or do the DeAngelo Halls run Spiller down for a 21 yard gain every time? Reggie Bush was a lot more fun at Southern Cal.

In light of this avalanche of evidence, which nearly sweeps us off the side of the mountain, I think that we should do our best to persuade C.J. Spiller to tarry one more year in college. Who knows – Clemson might even be respectable next year…to experience the thrill of victory…the agony of defeat…the human drama of athletic competition. I will have to put a quarter in the Invoking Jim McKay Penalty Jar.

C.J., stay in the 864.

C.J., we love you, even though we have never figured out what’s written on your eye black.

C.J., you love to score; we love to cheer; let’s keep a good thing goin’.

As a failsafe measure, I am going to be at the Carolina/Clemson game, so that I will be able to see Spiller before a potential leap into obscurity and financial delight (his, not mine.) Senior Day will be a good one this time.

On a final note, my NFL fantasy team, the Fire Ants, is solidly in the middle of the pack. Pretty Boy Floyd, you are going down this weekend, even though you got 22 points out of Ben Roethlisberger last night. I know what you’re thinking – I’m a hypocrite, but I enjoy the social aspect of fantasy football, and just because the NFL is unwatchable, that doesn’t mean that it’s unreadable – how else would I have known to trade for Kurt Warner this year. Pretty Boy Floyd, the Fire Ants are going to sting this Sunday!

Superfluous comment #1 from my brother “Hollywood” and me: We are sorry that UNC forward Tyler Zeller broke his wrist this week, and will be out for the year. We are also sorry that Zeller can’t suck it up and play through it like James Mays did last year.

Superfluous comment #2 from my brother “Hollywood” and me: We lack the time and resources to figure it out, but we wonder how many basketball games Clemson would have won over the past 25 years if the free throw shooting were the same as this year’s average.

If you would like to comment on this column, you can email John Webb at sectionHrowJ@gmail.com